batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
