Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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