So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
