can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize