Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
