She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
