Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
