That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
