She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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