he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
