I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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