I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
