well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
