wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
