I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize