So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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