She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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