Can Purell be used as lube?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
