i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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