Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
