pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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