Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
