why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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