You made me cry and you don't even care
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
