i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
