it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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