I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
