Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
