It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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