Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
