Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ok first of all what the fuck
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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