take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
