Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
