I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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