I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
