are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
