i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
