My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
