I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
