garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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