worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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