Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
