i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
