She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize