it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
where are my eyebrows?
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