Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
