I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
