apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
