she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
