I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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