I only kidnapped one of them. chill
mondays should just be called national damage control day
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
