I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize