my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
