birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
