I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
