After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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