Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
