You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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