you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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