very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
