Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
