I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize