I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
