it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
