she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
