I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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