After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
