How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
