I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize