I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
