I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
