I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
