Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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