sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
