I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
